I've been caught shoplifting... in reverse! On my way back from the drug store, I walked into Taiga Works at 8th and Yukon to check their prices on Gore-Tex jackets. As I passed through the entrance, their security alarm went off. The clerk eyed me suspiciously.

I was holding a very small London Drugs bag — obviously nothing from Taiga. Joking, I laughed and said, "Well I guess you caught me smuggling products into your store."

Well that was a mistake, because the clerk had no sense of humour. Or any sense of reality. She immediately demanded that I give her the bag so that she could search it.

I looked at her in disbelief for a moment. Why? I asked her. What did she think I was doing — attempting to plant merchandise on her shelves? And besides, the bag was too small to hold any Taiga clothing.

I'd rather not, I told her, but she insisted on searching the bag. I should have just walked right out of the store then.

Fine, I said. Look. I opened the bag and showed her the memory card reader that I'd bought. No, she didn't have a right to see it, but I just wanted to settle it. After all, she didn't seem to be one with strong reasoning abilities, and I just wanted to look at prices. I turned to browse the racks.

Then she asked me, How did you leave London Drugs without setting off their alarm?

Pause.

Well, I guess your alarm is more sensitive than theirs. She frowned, unconvinced. I'm sure that, in her mind, I had obviously just ripped off a memory card reader (and the little bag too), and now I was going to make off with some camping supplies.

I browsed for about half a minute, but I wasn't in the mood to shop — especially not under the watchful eye of Brainless behind the counter. I walked out, which triggered the alarm again. I half-expected her to tackle me on the sidewalk to check the bag again.

I think I'll buy the jacket from Mountain Equipment Co-op. The MEC staff are friendly... and they don't treat their customers like criminals.