Someone on the ground floor phoned me to complain about the noise my stomach was making. This is indeed a serious situation, and as I mentioned earlier, I cleverly left my wallet and security card at home today.

I need not resort to squishy things under rocks, however. In my desk, under the spare packets of ketchup, I found a coupon for a FREE McDonald's Big Mac.

Will they honour the coupon? Will I get my Big Mac both free and gratis? Will I walk away from Satan's personal grease-factory with a full stomach or will I need to go hunting in the alley for some extremely fresh squab?

Cry havoc! and let slip the hamburgers of lunch!