Over at Modem Noise, Adrian is conducting a little contest to "Write a brief synopsis for a Truly Horribly Wretchedly Awful novel".

So, without further ado, here is the synopsis of my novel...

Title: The Rippingly Adventurous Tale of Narwin, the Golden Rhinoceros, and His Pelican, Pip

Synopsis: Long ago in the green Trellian Valley, a Rhinoceros named Narwin lives with his family and a sickly old pelican named Pip, whom they occasionally hire as a mime at family outings. Like most young rhinoceroses, Narwin pays little heed to the goings-on of the world outside the Trellian Valley.

Flashback 2000 years: Trellian sits the leaders of two armies on the twin rocks of Aelia and places between them a chess board. Corthnoc, Supreme General of the Army of Hortenoc, ends the chess game abruptly when he counters his opponent?s Kolnikov Gambit with a pointy object to the throat. With this, General Artonius capitulates with a solid thud to the floor. Thenceforth, the Hortenoc maintains possession of the valley.

Two thousand years later, Narwin and Pip embark upon a journey to rescue the Stones of Aelia from almost certain destruction, which is to be determined by a lengthy series of judicial hearings with presentations by all stakeholders. In a sudden twist of irony, Pip is revealed as the true owner of Aelia. They contemplate this revelation in several intimate scenes in various hotel elevators.

Then, in another twist of fate, Pip explodes unexpectedly after eating too many squid-flavoured jellies. The whole mission now being moot, Narwin returns home by way of the Rocks of Aelia and one of them tips over, crushing him. With that, Trellian returns to the valley, bringing the joys of chess!