As I strolled down Robson Street, I blended perfectly with the crowd. I wore my Gore-Tex™ jacket, hiking boots, and sunglasses, I carried a cell phone, and I smelled slightly of the spicy tuna maki I had just finished. I looked (and smelled) just like your average Vancouverite. That's why I'm surprised that I was singled out.

A man in a crisp, black suit stepped in front of me, and in a tone reminiscent of MacCarthyism, he asked, "Have you ever been to Hooters?"

Startled, I jumped left to avoid him, and managed to mumble a defensive "No" before slipping past.

"Could I change your mind if I offered you free food, free beer, and free women?" he called after me.

What? For a fraction of a second, I hesitated, which made my response come out like "Nnn—" (insert near-instantaneous moral self-check) "—o". Thankfully, my feet kept moving, carrying me far away from the moral quagmire.

Three things I desire most in life — food, beer, and women — all free and gratis too. I'm not sure what he meant exactly by "free women", but I'm sure it was legit. He meant the serving staff, right? The catch was that it was in one of the most low-brow, mouth-breathing, mullet-infested restaurants downtown.

Half a block later, the voice was still echoing in my head: Could I change your mind if I offered you free food, free beer, and free women?

Yes! Yes, goddammit, yes! You could! Oh, the flesh is weak.