It's been a week since my vigil in the kitchen, and still no sign of the missing utensils. I've seen people eating soups and stews with improvised utensils, such as rulers, rolled up sticky-notes, and even diskettes. Once-popular containers of chocolate pudding have gone untouched for days.

The local cubicle dwellers are beginning to lose hope. Some have been been affected more than others. While some have successfully switched to foods that require a fork or chopsticks, others resort to desperate means to fill the void left by the absent spoons. One programmer created a virtual spoon and spends hours interacting with it in The Sims. And in one sad case, a tech writer spent countless hours writing stories about utensils. I'm not sure if he'll ever recover from the emotional scars.

It has to come to an end. The spoons have to be recovered. I have only one logical recourse now. I'll have to call in a paranormal investigator ? ideally a utensil specialist.