Are you out of you freakin' minds? What's this I hear about The Simpsons being extended until 2005? The show is a tired, lifeless husk that you should put to rest already. The world doesn't need 360 episodes of The Simpsons. People already say "Doh" and "Mmm, doughnuts" far too much.

But no, you can't let it go, can you? You money-grubbing bastards have to squeeze a few more dollars out of the show. Just sell a few more books, t-shirts, stuffed dolls, and miscellaneous garbage with the Simpsons family printed on it. If you're really serious about the Simpsons memorabilia, you could go the route of Hello Kitty, and get into the adult toy market. Marge's hair does look a little suggestive, if you know what I mean.

And hey, why not arrange an appearance by Dubya? That'll boost the ratings. He's the only serving US president who hasn't appeared on the show (and besides... I hear that he can be paid in bananas).

Please don't misunderstand, I am a Simpsons fan. I used to watch The Simpsons avidly ? more often than I used to watch Star Trek, if only for the fact that The Simpsons shows three or four times a day on several different channels. Now I'd rather chew my leg off while plummeting from a great height into a pit full of rabid lemurs than have to see Homer become buddies with another Hollywood celeb. I'm serious. I'm making arrangements for the lemurs at this moment.

Sincerely,
Cubicle Dweller